read this if you think listening is easy

When working with couples, I adapt my approach depending on the issues they bring to therapy. One of the most common challenges couples come to therapy with is communication—specifically, how they express and receive each other's feelings. My goal is to help each partner better understand the other by learning how they communicate emotionally, allowing for more meaningful conversations and deeper connection. This involves studying each other’s needs and developing empathy as they work together to create a bridge of understanding.

A key part of this process is active listening—the practice of fully concentrating on what your partner is saying, without jumping to conclusions or planning your response while they’re still talking. Active listening means reflecting back what you've heard to ensure you truly understand it, and showing genuine interest in what your partner is sharing. This isn’t always easy and often requires repetition; hearing the same information multiple times can be essential until each partner feels completely understood.

Some ways to practice listening:

Ask questions. Get curious about your person. Get the whole story, ask how they feel, ask them what they think about. Pretend you are writing their manual, interview them.

Get off your phone. Look at each other. Draw each others portraits. Put make-up on each other. Brush each others hair. Trace your partners body with your finger. Write them a message with your finger on their back, Communicate through interpretive dance. Make use of your bodies.

Use puppets. I’m not kidding. It really makes saying hard things….funny.